When it Gets Dark
by Hell yeah its Hannah
Summary: My first fan fiction ever. Felicity is kidnapped and tortured, and soon to Oliver's knowledge; broken. Olicity fan fiction. Spoilers from 2x23 and the season three trailer. I do not own these wonderful characters. Please leave reviews, they mean a lot.
1. Chapter 1

She's walking down the street one minute and the next she's in the back of a van unconscious. She's getting back from her lunch break, it's still light outside. People see and do nothing. They don't stop the two men who took her, they just let her go. Probably thinking she deserves it by the way she's dressed, by her reputation at QC, 'she's sleeping with her boss, the whore gets what she wants by getting on her knees'. So no one bats an eye when she's dragged into a van.

Oliver sits in his office waiting for her return. God knows he can't make his own coffee or set up his own lunch dates. Or maybe he just likes pushing her buttons.  
Diggle walks in smiling about his baby on the way. But then frowns. "Where's Felicity? Doesn't she always come back ten minutes early?"  
"I called her." Oliver says and you can almost hear his paranoia, or maybe annoyance.  
Digg smirks. "I'll call her"

Thirty minutes go by. Oliver is pacing up and down with his phone to his ear. Normally she would have been back forty minutes ago. "Diggle?" He says running his hand over his face. "Diggle she's in trouble.  
"Oliver maybe sh-"  
"Diggle! Are you even worried?" Oliver yells  
"Yes."  
Oliver strides towards the elevator Diggle on his trail.  
He calls her phone again. "Fuck!" He yells when it goes to voice mail. Again he calls.

"Stop!" Felicity screams as one man ties her hands to the bed frame while the other holds her down.  
"Now I'm going to ask you again. Who is the Arrow?" The man growls  
"I don't know!" She screams tugging on the thick rough ropes pinning her arms above her head.  
"Wrong answer." He says leaning in close to her face. He turns to his partner who holds her ringing phone. "Now you're going to tell your clingy boss you got food poising so he stops calling you, alright?" He asks as he slaps her cheek in a taunting manor. "Knife" he says to his partner.  
His partner walks over handing the man the phone and knife.  
"Be a good girl and really sell it"  
She nods slowly.  
Oliver picks up on the first ring.  
"Felicity, God are you okay? Felicity where are you, are you okay?" Oliver sounds terrified out of his mind for her which only adds to her pain.  
Felicity swallows a lump that formed in her throat as tear pool in her eyes. "Yeah, yeah Oliver I'm fine." She chokes out.  
"Felicity? Where are you? I need you to tell me where you are. You sound scared." He says seeming to be choking on his words too.  
The man who's holding the phone presses the knife to her neck. Her mind flashes back a few months to when Slade held a blade across her throat. Her shaking body stiffens, her tears pouring down her face.  
"Felicity?" Oliver's voice breaks.

She sucks in a rugged breath. "Oliver I'm in the airport, my dad is in the hospital and I'm just really scared for him" she says shaking. "You know how close I am with my father." She says as her chest heaves "I have to go I'm boarding the plane soon, okay? I have to find him and make sure he's okay. Okay, Oliver?" She cries harder.  
"Felicity-" Oliver whispers his voice so broken and thick that she thinks he too is crying, but Oliver Queen rarely cries.  
The man ends the call. "Quite the actress you are" he says sitting on the bed rubbing her exposed thigh. "Which leads me to think you can convince me _very_ easily that you have no idea who the Arrow really is, when in fact you know exactly who he is."

"Felicity-" Oliver says and then the line cuts off. "Felicity" he whispers over and over again until he's slumped against the elevator wall.  
"Oliver she's okay she's just really scared for her dad-" Diggle says unable to comprehend why his friend is so worried.  
"Diggle" Oliver's voice wavers "her dad left her and her mom when she was little. She-" his chin quivers and he gives into the pain settling on the pit of his stomach. "She wasn't close with him-"  
In that moment Diggle knows why Oliver is sitting on the floor crying, and soon his legs give out under him and he steadies himself against the wall. "She was trying to tell you she was in trouble"

"Are you okay?" A small voice says as the elevator doors open. "Mr. Queen?"  
Oliver looks up at the dark haired girl standing outside the elevator. He shakes his head and stands up on his wobbling legs letting Diggle helping him steady himself. "I'm fine. I, uh, I just need to" he tries to swallow the lump in his throat. "I just need a moment" he presses the button in the elevator that leads to the IT department. "Call Roy, please." Oliver's voice is so tiny and weak that it startles Diggle.  
"We're going to find her and she'll be okay"  
Oliver just shakes his head and leans on the wall and closes his heavy eyes.

"I don't know anything!" Felicity screams flailing her legs at the man cutting her dress off of her shaking body. "I don't know anything" she whispers.  
The man laughs deep and dark as he finishes cutting off her dress. "I'm going to have fun with you aren't I?" He's smirking at her, eyes full of lust as he brushes his rough hand up her thigh slowly. His face suddenly goes serious. "Talk princess, and I won't have to hurt you, and man do I want to hurt you" He seethed  
"I don't know his name or I would tell you I swear!" Her legs jerk at his rough touch.  
The man drags the knife across her collar bone drawing blood and a pained scream from her body. "Talk"  
"I don't know who he is!" She cries out.  
"He killed for you, only you." He says grabbing her jaw roughly and making her look into his dark eyes. "He shot three arrows into his chest, not one, not two. But _three_ arrow. Why?"  
His partner who's holding her legs down speaks up. "I bet the bitch is working for him"  
"No! No, I'm not I swear!"  
The man takes his knife and cuts her bra lose from her heaving body. "Do you think I'm stupid?" He snaps.  
"No! No I don't, I get why you think I know him but I _don't_. I don't." She pleads.  
"Liar." He says grabbing at her breasts roughly. "You know exactly who he is under his hood"  
She closes her eyes as the man paws on her, willing it to stop. To make him stop. To make it all just stop. "I don't know"

Oliver walks to the man the IT department said was their best, and he half expects Felicity to be the one there "I need you to trace a number for me" he's usually extremely talented when it comes to wiping the worry from his face, but he can't stop thinking about her.  
"I don't really think I can do that-" the man starts. But Oliver cuts him off.  
"Listen." He sighs inwardly. "I need you to help me. And if you can help me trace where this call came from I will write you a very large check in return."  
The guys nods, "what's the number, Mr. Queen?"  
Thirty minutes go by before the 'best of the IT department' can trace where the call came from. Felicity can trace a call within seconds, Oliver thought feeling that pain in his chest again.  
"You're all set" the man says "that's the address the call came from-"  
"Thank you" Oliver says stiffly, already on his way to the elevator.

"Flip her over!" The man barks.  
"I swear to God I would have told you if I knew anything!" She says fighting the mans restraining arms as best as she can.  
The cold blade runs diagonally from her right shoulder to her lower back on the left side merely four inches from her butt. Thick dark blood soon covers most of her back. A scream rips from her throat.  
"What. Is. His. Name." The man roars shoving her bloody back firmly into the bed.  
"I don't know" she whispers.  
His fist contacts with her face and she screams again. "You're going to bleed out and die while I fuck you" he growled digging his fingers into her hips and grabbing the thin fabric of her panties. She squeezes her puffy eyes shut and waits for the pain she knew was coming.

"GET AWAY FROM HER NOW!" Oliver's voice screams murderously angry and terrified at the same time. He;s fifty feet away, bow drawn and ready to end this psychopaths life.

The ringleader smirks and the follower removes his hand from holding her legs down.

"UNTIE HER NOW!" Oliver yells and obediently the follower grabs the knife and whispers to his partner something before cutting her lose. The other man snatches Felicity up and uses her naked body as a human shield while the follower flings the knife at Oliver with surprising accuracy. Oliver shoots the knife down with an arrow and then a second later shoots him in the forehead. "I will _not_ hesitate to kill you" Oliver seethes stepping ten feet closer, an arrow already drawn back. His eyes meet with Felicity's briefly before looking for places he can shoot without hitting her. His arrow whirls through the air and hits just above her shoulder and into the mans, he staggers and Oliver takes this chance to get a clean headshot.

The body drops with a thud and Felicity stumbles away on unsturdy legs toward Oliver. Tears pour down her bruised face as she makes her way to him.  
Oliver drops his bow on the ground and pulls back his hood and runs towards her wrapping her nearly naked body in his embrace. Her body was weak, limp and shaking in his protection. He couldn't hear anything but blood pounding in his ears and her sobs. His gloved hands run across her bloody back and he began telling her in faint whispers that she was okay and she was safe now. He placed kisses in her hair line. He wondered what had happened to her, what they had done to her. He held her for only a few minutes until her body stopped racking as hard and her sobs died down. He pulled her away from him and unzipped his leather jacket then wrapped it around her shoulders, she slips her arms into it easily but when she tried zipping it but her hands shook too much so he ended up zipping it for her then wrapped her back in his arms.  
"Felicity," he whispered weakly. "Felicity, I need to know you're okay?"  
She wanted to say no, but she couldn't say anything.  
"Felicity, please look at me" his voice cracked at her name. "Felicity" his hand went to lift her face to his. Her eyes went to his for a second then lowered. He felt a sharp pain in his chest at her reaction. "We need to go. I need to take you to the hospital-"  
"No" she whispered.  
He paused. "You're bleeding and you need to be stitched up."  
"I don't want to go to the hospital" her voice was tiny.  
"The lair? No. Felicity you need a real hospital. We're getting you out of here" he says lifting her up like she's a rag doll and turning face to face with Detective Lance.

The detective just shakes his head slowly, mouth ajar looking at Oliver Queen. _The Arrow. _Not knowing what else to say, he says "just go."

Oliver brushes past Lance without a word.

"You need a hospital" Oliver repeats himself to Felicity, who is laying on her stomach as he's cleaning the cut on her back and wiping the blood away. He looks down at the long cut across her back and wonders how she endured this much pain, the gashes and bruises. She didn't deserve this. "I'm going to start stitching you up now, okay?"

Nothing.

"Felicity, please talk to me"

Nothing.

"Felic-"  
"I don't want to talk. Not to _you_. Not to _Diggle_. _No one_" she snaps and her body starts shaking again and he knows she's crying again and then he wonders if she ever stopped crying since those men took her.  
He closes his eyes tight. "I'm sorry, Felicity." His voice wasn't above a whisper and he wasn't even sure if she heard him.

"I'm going to start now-"  
"Okay" her voice was like a knife to his heart, she sounded so broken and he wanted to fix her like she fixed him.

"Your back is done and I need to start on the cuts on your chest... is that okay Felicity?" He pauses and looks away when she rolls over on her back. Without looking he hands her a towel to cover her breasts. He waits for a moment to turn back around to make sure shes done. He turns slowly and notices right away all the marks the men left with their mouths on her skin, on her neck all the way down to where the towel covered. "Did they-"  
"Stop" her voice is cold and flat, she sounds like him.  
He looks over her body, her face is bruised badly, nose has dried blood under it, cut across her collar bone, hickys from her neck to breasts, her stomach has some small gashes and is layered with dried blood. The towel that covers her lap is already covered in blood from the cut on her hip.  
He takes a new wash cloth, wets it and starts wiping the dried blood from her body, she flinches at his touch.

He thinks about all the times he's been hurt and how she must feel when he walks in the door wounded. It must destroy her, because right now, everything he's been through in his life seems like a cake walk compared to seeing her like this. Broken and hopeless.  
He finishes stitching her collar bone and hip and a few of the deep cuts on her stomach, and then covered them with pads. "I'm all done, I'll be right back."  
She watches him walk to the back of the new lair as she sits up. Her back burns and she feels broken everywhere he touched her and places he hadn't. Whatever pills Diggle had given her they weren't strong enough.  
He came back with the shirt he wore to the office today and sweat pants. She didn't want to look him in the eyes again; she already saw the guilt in his eyes for something he had no control over.  
"Here" he said softly handing her the clothes. "I'll go get dressed and then take you home."  
She gave a faint nod to him without looking up, eyes still stone cold and cast towards the floor  
He stared down at her for a few more seconds then nodded to himself. "I know that you're not ready and that's okay, but it kills me to see you like this." And then he walked away.  
She had pulled the sweat pants on slowly, that was the easy part. The shirt was going to suck. She gritted her teeth as she pulled it over one of her shoulders and stuck her second arm in slower. She let out a pained growl that she thought she had contained.  
"Are you okay?" he said from behind her.  
She nodded and finished buttoning the shirt.  
"Me and Diggle are sleeping at your house"  
She turned around. "No you're not."  
"Felicity, it's not up for debate. Digg's already at your house"  
She sighed "I want to be alone Oliver." She said dropping her gaze to the floor again as she walked past him "You of all people should get that."

She was right.

When they got inside her town house she told them one got the couch and the other got the floor.  
"What happened to her, did she say anything?" Diggle asked Oliver.  
"She wont talk to me about it" he pauses "Diggle, you should have seen everything they did to her. Her whole back is practically cut open. And what he said to her, Diggle." He winced fists clenching and brows gathering together.  
"What?"  
Oliver shook his head trying to swallow the clot in his throat, Oliver hesitantly answered "that he was going to fuck her while she bled out" the words burned his throat coming up.  
Diggle swore under his breath and rubbed his face with his hands.

Diggle left to go get dinner for them all and to get more gauze, Oliver walked over to Felicity's door and tapped lightly. "Can I come in?"  
"Sure" she mumbled.  
She was sitting up in bed toying with the grey comforter, her eyes were glazed over looking at nothing.  
He wasn't sure if sitting on the bed was wired or comforting, but he sat right next to her anyways, her body tensed at his presents which hurt. "Diggle went to get food" he started "do you want me to call anyone for you, your mom, or a friend? Anyone?"  
She shook her head.  
"Anything I can do for you?"  
"No"  
He covered her hands with his, usually that calms her but this time he felt her whole body stiffen and tense under his touch. "I'm sorry" he said letting the words drift into the stillness of her room.  
"I know"  
"Please look at me Felicity"  
She looked up at him and held his gaze for a second and then broke down right into his lap she told him everything that happened, how the men tasered her and no one cared that she just got kidnapped. How he let her call him and how they molested her and tortured her. She never meant to tell him how the reason they took her was to find out Oliver's name. She knew he'd be guilty about it and that he'd blame himself for what happens.

He listened to her talk through her tears and sobs until she cried herself asleep in his lap. He didn't have the heart to move her; he didn't want to move her. He wanted to let something off his own chest while she slept with her head on his thigh and his hand in her hair.  
"Felicity? Are you still awake?" He whispered. He waited. And waited before continuing. "Today I thought I was going to lose you." He swallowed hard "I was so scared I was going to lose" he exhaled loudly and continued "and I thought that if I did lose you, you would never know that I'm in love with you." He sighed "I didn't plan on bringing you to the mansion that night and telling you I loved you. I just thought about me or you not making it back… and I needed you to know that I loved you just in case anything went wrong." His nose sniffled and he continued "I thought about you dying and I thought about how I would never be able to recover from that." he shook his head. "I could_ never_ recover from that Felicity."

His words filtered into the stillness of her room until her door bell rang within the small town house. She jumped at the sound and sat up biting her blue nails.

"I'll get it, just try and rest okay?" he said getting out of her bed and walking through her dark kitchen to the front door. He looked out the peephole and knew this was coming sooner rather than later.

He opened it slowly letting Lance inside without a word.

Lance shot Oliver a look he couldn't place.

"I thought I'd find you here" he said.

"Look I know you hate me. Believe me, I know that, but..." he turned his head to face Felicity's door. "But please just don't. Not now, not when she just went through that alone" Oliver pleaded looking into Quentin's eyes.

"I'm not here to read you your rights, Queen"

Oliver tilted his head slightly to the right "Then why?"

"When this first started I needed the Hood to be you, because I hated you both so much that it would make it easier. But then before the undertaking when I was questioning Miss Smoak she said she use to think that you were a criminal too, but that because of everything you sacrificed for the people of this city, she said it made you a hero. And it does. I realized that, and now with me being promoted to Caption after Slade's attack, I'm calling off the anti vigilante task force."

Oliver just looked at Lance and took in everything he said.

Lance continued, "You love her, don't you?"

Oliver gave a small smile, "yeah, I do." He said it so weakly but so sure that Lance felt the depth of his words.

There was an awkward pause for a moment "How is she?" Quentin asked.

Oliver's eyes fell for a second, "She won't talk to me."

"She will" and with a pat on Oliver's shoulder he opened the door to leave.

"Thank you" was all Oliver could say at the moment but it was enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Oliver stared at the closed door for a second before he let out a heavy breath. His eyes fell to the hardwood floor then towards Felicity's room. He walked into the dark kitchen and turned on the light to get a glass of water so Felicity could take another pain pill.

He knocked softly on her door, "Can I come in?" he said in a low voice. She mumbled her reply so he just walked in.

She sat in bed with her knees to her shaking chest staring at nothing with a dark gaze.

"Are you okay?" Oliver whispered reaching out to put his hand on her knee, her body tensed under his touch and he felt his heart clench as he looked at her pained face. Her eyes were pinched shut as tears pooled under her closed lids and slid free, her jaw was tight, trying unsuccessfully, to stop the shaking of her chin, he withdrew his hand mournfully and noticed immediately how her body relaxed a little.

"Digg is going to be back with food any minute, okay? You have to have food in your stomach to take this pain pill." His voice was soft and what he hoped was comforting, at least a little. "Can I do anything for you?"

With her eyes still shut she dropped her head backward to the headboard, "Oliver please just leave me alone" she whispered in a tiny fragile voice.

Wordlessly he nodded to himself and stood up from the bed to look at her, and to his surprise she rolled her head to the left to look at him with puffy eyes. She broke his eye contact almost immediately to move her head back into place as she closed her eyes.

Oliver walked to her door and opened it but hesitated before stepping out. "Whenever, if _ever,_ you're ready to talk I'm here. And so is Diggle. And Roy. We care about you, Felicity." _I love you _his mind says before continuing. "And I know it's not easy, and it won't be for a long time. But carrying it all by yourself, its, it's so much more difficult, trust me, I've tried and failed to keep everything buried inside until I shattered. But you, you helped fix me, Felicity. You helped me put myself back together, and I just hope that one day you'll let me help put you back together too."

He stood in her doorway letting the dim lights from the kitchen pour into her bedroom as he waited for a response he didn't get.

"Nothing." Digg said as he ran a hand down his face and took the seat next to Oliver on Felicity's dark blue sofa. "She won't even look at me."

"Did she at least eat?" Oliver said looking to his sock covered feet on the floor.

"Yeah, I told her I wasn't leaving till she ate and took the pain pill."

"I'm really worried Digg"

The man sighed heavily "I asked Lyla to come over tomorrow and try to talk to her, woman to woman may work better in this type of situation."

Olivier only nodded I agreement.

Felicity sat in her bed, one sided conversations from Diggle and Oliver still bounced around in her head noisily. She felt like she was made of glass. She seemed so easily broken and fragile.

_I just hope that one day you'll let me help put you back together too._

Oliver's words made her feel so vulnerable, yet so loved at the same time.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and made her way to her bathroom. She stopped cold when she saw her reflection, her skin was ghostly white compared to the black and blue of the bruise. She swallowed a lump in her throat as curiosity got the better of her and she let her fingers numbly unbuttoned its way down the shirt Oliver gave her until it fell to the floor silently. Tears pooled in her eyes as she looked at herself. Her pale skin was littered with pink marks left by the men's mouths and bruises from their hands. She removed the gauze tentatively that covering the places Oliver had stitched closed only hours ago, her mouth fell open with a silent cry at the sight of the ripped flesh it had hidden. Her hand lightly brushed the cut at her collar bone. She let out a shaky breath as her hand traveled down to the wound on her hip.

"Felicity." Oliver voiced from outside the door.

Both her hands shot up to shield her mouth and muffle her sobs.

"Felicity, come out of there."

"I need to take a shower" she choked out.

"Felicity-"

"I feel disgusting, Oliver. I feel tainted and dirty from them touching me, okay?" Her voice was laced with venom, why wouldn't he just leave her alone like she'd asked?

He was quite for a moment and she thought he might have just left. "Did you get the gauze of your back without ripping the stiches?"

She let out a ragged breath. "No, I… I haven't got to that one yet." Her stomach felt queasy at the thought of what her back must look like. And then she wondered if she could even take the gauze off her back or wash it without ripping open the stiches. "Could you take it off" she said defeated as she bent to the floor to pick up the shirt and held it in front of her chest.

"Yeah."

She opened the door and instantly turned her back to him. He removed the gauze slowly and noticed how tense she was once again under his touch. His hands were big and rough much like the hands that had pawed her without permission. But he was gentle and hesitant about touching her, which calmed her a bit, but knowing the fact that he could hurt her if he wanted caused her flinch.

His fingers lightly brushed over the skin around the wound and she tensed every muscle in her body at his contact. "I'm sorry" he said, and at first she thought he was sorry for touching her but still his fingers traced the long cut on her back.

"Can you take a picture?" She said so quietly that she thought maybe she hadn't said it at all. "I just need to know" and she needed his hands off her. She knew it was Oliver but still, he was ghosting his fingers over her skin almost mockingly, like he was saying without words that he held a great deal of power over her.

He dug into his pocket and fished out his phone, his fingers, to her relief, left her exposed body.

It was a terribly uncomfortable silence that filled her bathroom until he showed her the picture of her mangled back. The gash was probably as long as her forearm. She sucked in a breath of air that seemed to clog her windpipe.

"Do you think you can wash it without ripping the stitching?" He asked suddenly, just the thought of her being in anymore pain made a stabbing pain occur in his gut.

She shrugged lightly causing her to wince.

"I can-" he meet her eyes in the mirror and stopped, her eyes spoke the words she couldn't say, _don't touch me, I don't want you here, I want to be alone, you're no different than them._

The last thought shook him the hardest, he _had_ just violated her, and to some extent he _wasn't_ any different than those men, except he was _supposed_ to be a friend. A friend wouldn't have just done that after what she had been through.

It was possibly the longest shower she ever took, but it was needed, as if somehow she could just wash away their touch and the marks they left on her. She noticed with disgust while scrubbing her thighs that they too had been littered with the marks the men left. After rubbing her flesh raw, twice, she decided that no matter how many times she tried to clean her tainted skin, it was just that, tainted. As long as those marks were still cluttering her skin and those wounds were still open and visible she was tainted.

And those were just the physical reminders of what had happened. The temporary effects, the ones that would heal. But what about emotional? She couldn't even look at Oliver and John, let alone _talk_ to them.

When she emerged from the bathroom in her towel she found Oliver struggling to put new sheets on her bed. With her brows furrowed she asked him, clearly confused and angry, what he thought he was doing.

He looked up and tried to meet her gaze. "I thought that you would probable want clean sheets, because of what you said…"

She wanted to meet his eyes and thank him but couldn't bring herself to meet his beautiful blue eyes again, especially when she only had a towel wrapped around her. "Thank you." She managed to say as she gathered clothes and headed towards the bathroom to change.

"You know there isn't a thing in this world I wouldn't do for you right? So if what you need right now is to be alone, then I'll let you be alone. I won't push you." His voice was weak and out of character as he spoke and she could tell it killed him to say that. And then her mind wandered to the vow Oliver made to honor Tommy. Three times he's broken that vow and all on her behalf. She felt like she might vomit just then.

She felt her throat tighten and practically sprinted to the bathroom where she fell on her knees and lifted the seat and began to dry heave. Oliver was on his knees next to her within seconds holding her clean wet hair, she fought every nerve in her body that screamed at her to push him away from her. But the screaming in her head didn't subside and she pushed him back with all the force she could.

He stood back too shocked to believe that had just happened, he felt like she just twisted the knife. "I'm, I'm sorry I…" he stammered as he stood to his feet and walked cautiously out the door.

She took another shower which resulted in numbingly cold water considering she drained the heating tank, but somehow it relaxed her to a certain extent. When she got out and dressed she was taken aback to find John on her freshly made bed.

She stood in the open doorway staring at the man and bite down on her lip till it drew blood.

"I need to reapply your gauze. Unless you want Oliver to do it, whatever make you more comfortable, Felicity" He said in a tone that made her want to go up and cry in his bowling ball sized arms.

"Can I just have a minute to…" she trailed off.

He nodded and stood up and walked outside her room.

She unzipped the cream colored jacket she was wearing and noticed the blood on the back of it. She cursed under her breath realizing she must have ripped her stitching.

Digg knocked and she covered her breasts with her jacket. "Yeah" is all she said to inform him it was okay to come in.

He worked silently on her front side, which she deeply appreciated, but the faces he made she did not. He looked to her eyes for answers, but she dropped her gaze to the floor. When he got to her back he sighed deeply. "I'm sorry"

"Enough. I don't need you and Oliver to throw me a fucking pity party, alight?" she seethed at him.

Instantly she wanted to take her words back once they slipped out, but at the same time she didn't. It was the truth, she didn't want them hovering over her and pretending that they knew what she was going through when they didn't have the slightest idea of what it was like to be so weak.

Diggle swallowed the words he wanted to say to her because he wasn't sure they would even reach her. He'd never seen her like this, so completely hopeless.

"Try not to sleep on your back, okay?"

She grinded her teeth and nodded as she slid the jacket back on and zipped it closed.

He was quite a moment not sure if he wanted to poke the bear again.

"We can't help you until you let us in, Felicity." He pleaded with so much emotion it hurt her internally. "Oliver and I love you, and maybe not the way you want, but he _does_ love you"

"I'm sorry, John" she says turning to meet his gaze, "I'm sorry I yelled at you, I just feel so… vulnerable" she blinked her eyes a few times to push the tears away.

"It's okay, Felicity" Digg moved to capture her in his arms and wrap her in a reassuring hug, she didn't hug him back but she didn't push him away either. She just stood with her arms at her sides with her head resting on his firm chest. "You're going to be okay."

She didn't feel that way but she nodded and stepped out of his hold.

"Try to get some sleep."

Again she only nodded.

When he left she climbed into bed and stared into the darkness of her ceiling. Every time she closed her eyes she could see the dead men, but they weren't gone, they were still here. Haunting her, mocking her from beyond the grave. They were dead and yet still held power over her. Like this bed, _her _bed. She didn't feel safe in it anymore. All she thought of was the other bed, the one she was tortured on, violated on.

She jumped off her bed yanking a pillow and comforter with her. The hardwood floor wasn't physically more comfortable but it did ease her mind a little.

Ever since she was little she had nightmares, but when she found out who Oliver really was they seemed to stop almost altogether. For once in her life, despite the fact that what they did on a nightly bases wasn't even remotely safe, she felt safe. She felt safe because Oliver and John would protect her, she felt safe because for once she wasn't completely alone.

So for whatever reason, probably because John snores _really_ loud and that had been the only thing her mind could focus on, she fell asleep relatively quick without nightmares.

The early morning light streaming through her white curtains caused her tired eyes to flutter open. Sounds of light breathing behind her filled her ears. Reluctantly she rolled over, which every muscle in her body protested to. She winced and pinched her eyes shut at the pain and when she opened them they met Oliver's sleeping face.

She blinked her eyes a few times at the sight. Without permission her hand drifted up to his stubbly cheek and stroked it lightly before pulling back. Why had he slept in here next to her? Her eyes fought to stay open but they soon lost. She was just too tired and sore to keep fighting. So she gave in and snuggled herself into Oliver's warmth and drifted back off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

He had walked in her room with the intention of sleeping on the floor anyways. He just needed to be closer to her. Well that and Diggle snored. _Loudly._

His heart jumped in his throat when he didn't see her in her bed. He ran to her bathroom to find it empty. He cursed himself under his breath. How had he not seen this coming? He sat down on her bed and rested his elbows on his knees. He sat there cradling his head in his hands and then he heard it. The quite sleepy little moans that escaped her mouth from the other side of the bed.

He stood and walked the short distance to where she slept peacefully on the floor. He let a little laugh escape his lips. Why was she sleeping on the hardwood floor? And why was he instantly dropping his pillow right beside her?

He didn't want to sleep, he wanted to stay awake and watch over her, but when his breathing fell in tune with hers he was sleeping soundly in spite of the uncomfortable floor beneath him.

He woke to the sight of her blonde hair and only that. Her body had been curled into a ball on her left side under the covers while she buried her face in his chest while her hands greedily grabbed fistfuls of his shirt. He smiled softy at the sight beside him.

Why didn't she just tell them his name? She shouldn't be so loyal to him, he didn't deserve her loyalty, or friendship._ He didn't deserve her. _

'_You are not alone. And I believe in you' _

Why would she possible believe in him, let alone stand by his side after everything he'd dragged her thru?

He let her believe he didn't love her. And for what? Diggle stated more often than not that she's already in danger, that she's already a target. And he's right.

But because of him she was now hurt and afraid.

_Afraid of him. _

He winced remembering how she shoved him away from her while she was try heaving, how she tensed under his touch, how she couldn't meet his gaze, how she hugged Diggle and not him.

Abruptly she stirred against him letting out a little moan. He smiled in spite of his self-loathing seconds ago.

The bedroom door creaked opened slowly letting the light dance on the walls. "Oliver?" Digg whispered stepping in causing slight shadows to play on the walls.

""Mmhm." Oliver said trying not to wake the blonde next to him.

Digg walked silently over and looked down his mouth opened about to speak but Oliver silenced him with a finger to his lips.

Digg smirked his little knowing smirk before turning and walking out.

He continued to watch her sleep, not allowing himself to think of all the ways he's screwed her life up in the past few years. Instead he thought of her laugh and smile, the way she got excited about her computers, how she could calm him with just one look or word. How she could read him like an open book, and how he could do the same.

He wondered how he could get her to smile again. She seemed to be the only person to be able to pull smiles from his lips. She was the first person to make him smile after Tommy's death. And his mothers. He couldn't shake that thought out of his mind.

Reluctantly he pulled away from her body, but her hands only latched harder onto his shirt, clamping her to him. He laughed lightly and tried to pry her fingers off his shirt. She groaned softy then stirred against him. Her head rose slowly from is chest with little moans and sighs he swore, were the only sounds he'd ever want to hear again.

Her sleepy blue eyes met his. And to his surprise she held the contact as she blinked the sleep away.

But as if suddenly aware of how close they were her hands flattened against his chest and shoved him back so space was pushed between them.

His brows creased at her sudden distaste.

"Sorry." She whispered letting out a heavy sigh when she saw his face. "I… I just-"

"It's okay." He said quietly as he sat up and stretched his arms above his head.

After he had left her room he had this look on his face. She couldn't describe it. Never before has she seen him look so… understanding, maybe?

He had built his walls so high that she couldn't scale them. But now they seemed to reverse rolls. His walls were crumbling while she began to build hers up.

So maybe that look was _understanding?_

She didn't know how long she sat lost in her thoughts before she managed to get up and walk to her bathroom. She didn't want to meet her reflation again but curiosity got the better of her yet again. Her eyes drifted up to the mirror hesitantly, the bruise on her face was large and discolored and in full effect, definitely nowhere close to healing seeing that it was still a dark shade of blue and purple.

She sighed. She had yelled at Diggle for him and Oliver pitying her yet she was doing the same right now. What a hypocrite.

And then she started to cry. She cried because she had a deadbeat father who left, she cried because her mother never bothered to call her back. She cried because three years ago she had been completely alone.

She cried because _now she wasn't alone._ She cried because now she had people who loved her. She cried because Diggle was now her big brother. And because Roy was now her little brother. She cried because Oliver had told her he loved her. She cried because he hadn't meant it. She cried because he never took it back.

_How could he do that to me? _She wondered. _Didn't he care?_

After she composed herself she went back and laid on the floor. She didn't want to face them like that. She honestly didn't expect she'd fall asleep again, but she did. The floor really wasn't all that uncomfortable.

Oliver walked back in her room after making coffee and waffles. Neither were probable edible but that's what syrup and creamer was for.

Her head turned to look at him briefly and he was surprised to find her sitting on the floor with her back against the footboard watching TV.

"I tried to make you breakfast." He said sitting next to her with a reasonable amount of room between them.

"Must have done and alright job considering the fire department hasn't shown up yet." She said it flatly but he couldn't help but laugh. At least she was trying to be herself again he thought.

"Digg left early this morning."

"He and Lyla going to an appointment?"

"Yeah"

There was such a long suffocating pause that he couldn't ignore.

"So breakfast then?"

She nodded and stood slowly.

"How much pain are you in?" he asked observing her stiff posture. "On a scale of one to ten?"

She shrugged lightly "I'm not really in pain I'm just really sore. My arms and back mostly."

He was confused for a moment wondering why her arms would be sore. But then he remembered how she'd been tied up and how long she must have been like that before he got there. That's why she hadn't slept on her bed.

"Felicity" he whispered.

"Please, Oliver, just don't" she said weakly as she brushed her way past him and headed for the kitchen.

"Hey, _hey_." He said a little too forcefully as he grabbed her forearm and halted her.

She recoiled and snapped her eyes shut turning her face to the side. Like she was ready for him to_ hit_ her.

He released his hand hurt by her distrust. And he suddenly found himself angry at both her and him

"Did you think I would_ hit_ you?" He said in a mix of anger and disbelief.

Her quivering lip and lack of words falling from them told him he was right.

He swallowed hard and shook his head at her. _"Don't you trust me?"_

Her eyes fell to her feet.

"I would _never_ hurt you." His voice broke at the same time his heart did.

She swallowed and looked back up with fire in her blue eyes. _"You would never hurt me?" _Her voice rose with bitterness with every letter she spoke. "What do you call _lying_ to someone and letting them believe you love them just so you could _use_ them? Huh? You can hurt people without your fists you know?" She was screaming now. _"You hurt me all the time Oliver!_" With that she shoved her hands into his chest making him stumble. "How do you think I felt when you left after Tommy died? _I was hurt."_ Her hands pushed him back again "What about in Russia when you _fucked_ Isabel? Huh? _That hurt Oliver_." She shoved into his chest again "What about when you told me you couldn't be with someone you care about and then you dated Sara!" Another shove to his chest. "Don't you dare say you would never hurt me when that's the one thing you do best!"

"Feli-"

"I'm not done, Oliver! The list goes on a hell of a lot longer than that. All you do is_ take_, Oliver. Everything is about _you_. I_ hate_ being you 'secretary', but you know what I hate more? The fact that you didn't give me a _choice_. Like you didn't give me a choice when you _gave_ me to Slade!" She let out a rugged breath and shoved him again. "Find yourself a new fucking IT girl to seduce into working _both_ jobs for you because _I'm done_, Oliver_. I am so done with you!"_ Her throat burned from screaming at him but God did he deserve it!

"Now get out of my fucking house before I call the police and have you_ removed_!" She warned ignoring the tears that had pooled in his eyes. She shoved her hands into his shoulders again when she saw no reaction from him to move. "LEAVE!" She screamed letting her own tears suddenly fall.

He shook his head faintly "No. No you're going to have to call them."

"Don't force me to make that call, Oliver" her screams cracked into whispers.

"_I can't do this without you. _Felicity please." He finally gave into the tears that stung his eyes. He couldn't ever imagine his life without her.

"I think you can manage."

"Felicity, I can't."

"Don't!"

"I wouldn't even be here without you. I'd still be on the island, hiding from the fact that I couldn't save Tommy. I wouldn't have came back without you."

"I SAID DON'T!" She slammed her hands into his chest.

"And if I had come back, it wouldn't be so I could be 'The Hood' or 'The Arrow'. I would have only came back for the _company_. But you, you helped me find another way. You helped me become a _hero_."

"That's not _fair_, Oliver!"

"I know, I know but I _need_ you. I can't even begin to imagine my life without you now. And I know I don't deserve another chance, and I know I don't deserve you, I know that. But please, please give me another chance."

"No. You don't get another chance. I've wasted so many chances on you already."

"You're the _only thing_ I care about anymore. _I can't lose you_." He ran his hands over his face desperately. "_I can't lose you. _That's my breaking point, Felicity, that's the one thing I could never recover from."

'_I'm in love with you'_ was numb on the tip of his tongue and he couldn't bring himself to say it.

'_You're not going to lose me'_ for a second she's tempted to say it just to fuck with his emotions like he fucked with hers. "You have two seconds to walk out that door, Oliver. That's it."

'It's for the best. He's destructive and he'd only hurt me more than you've already let him' she tells herself this over and over as she watches him break down right in front of her.

He doesn't fight her this time, and part of her is angry that he just said all that but did nothing to stop her. But the other part of her is relived he walked away before she changed her mind. God, did she want to change her mind.

She slammed the door behind him._ Why hadn't he fought her on this?_ She stood frozen in place for a moment before her legs gave out and she slumped to the floor with her back against the door and sobbed.

His body went limp beneath him the second the door slammed. He sat against her door with his face in his hands. Why the hell hadn't he told her he was in love with her? _'Because you can't make her happy, she deserves to be happy, all you do is cause her pain.' _He told himself this over and over as the hours passed with him just sitting outside her house.

"What are you doing out here?" Digg's concerned voice brought him back to the present. "Oliver? Are you okay?"

He tried to speak to the man walking up the steps towards him but his throat was too tight.

"Is something wrong with Felicity?"

Oliver only nodded and stood shakily, Digg gave Oliver a hand and tried to help him up. "I, I um. She, she probably… She probably ripped her stiches." He managed to say. He thought of how many times she'd shoved him, she used all her strength to try and hurt him.

But that's not how she hurt him. And that's when he realized she was right. You didn't need your fists to be able to ruin someone.

"I need a drink" Oliver said mournfully and walked towards the road.

Digg followed and handed him a bottle of water.

"Alcohol, Diggle, water isn't going to help dull the pain." Oliver snapped.

Digg frowned. "That's not going to _help_, Oliver."

"I don't need you to tell me what you _think_ is going to help!"

"Oliver-"

"I'm not in the mood for you to play Dr. Phil, alright?" Oliver barked. But then he realized that's_ exactly_ what he wanted. He wanted Diggle to help dig him out of the pit he'd just dug himself into with Felicity. But she wanted him gone. _She threatened to call the cops if he hadn't left._ And she meant it. He could tell she meant it from the look in her eyes. She didn't want to, but she would.

His mind kept telling him to let her be happy. But she wasn't happy.

Digg watched Oliver walk down the street. Even if Diggle hadn't seen his friend's tear traced face he would be able to tell he was depressed and angry just from his posture. He wondered what had happened. And then he wondered what Felicity looked like.

He pushed open the door a little rougher than normal and instantly regretted it when he heard the thump.

"Felicity!" Digg shut the door behind himself and crouched next to her. "What are you doing down here?" He tilted her face up so he so he could see what she looked like. "Hey, why are you and Oliver crying?"

Her puffy eyes met she sniffled before she talked "How do you know he was crying?"

"When I got here he was sitting with his back to your door." Digg said quietly. "What happened?"

Something in her eyes changed as she looked at him, something Diggle would say was desperation.

"Is he still here?"

"No. He left. He told me to look at your back. Said you might have ripped your stiches?"

She thought about why Oliver would say that but then she remembered how she shoved him. How hard she shoved him. How many times she had shoved him back while screaming at him.

"I probably did."

"What happened?" He said quietly as he finished patching her up.

The short answer was just easier to say and wasn't a complete lie.

"I quit."

Digg opened his mouth but she already knew the question.

"Both jobs, John."

"What else?"

"I don't think I can physically go thru that conversation again." She whispered with her mind already drifting off to that painful place. "Can you stay here tonight, please?"

"Sure."

"What the hell has you so…?" Roy asked as he walked into then new lair. "I don't even have words for what you look like."

"Don't. Just don't." Oliver warned taking another drink of the vodka.

"It's only like one in the afternoon and you're wasted?" Roy didn't even hid the distaste from his voice. "How's that working for ya?"

"Pretty shitty." He growled.


	4. Chapter 4

The week had been a blur.

She cried more than she thought was humanly possible and thought she must have broken some sort of record by now.

The heart break and the memories from the night she was kidnapped clouded her brain with so many different outcomes that all ended the same way. With her balled on her couch wrapped in blankets watching sad movies or reading depressing books.

_It was over._ Whatever she and Oliver had, it was over.

She knew that. But that didn't make it hurt any less.

_Why hadn't he fought her?_ She asked herself again, but thinking back only made the pain deepen. Didn't he care? He said he cared, so why did he go?

She needed a clean break. From _him,_ from _Diggle_. From this city, _his city_.

She knew she needed to start over, but she didn't want to run again. She had practically ran from home to go to Starling City and work at QC. But she didn't have anything back then that had ground her there. But now… Now this place had become her home, and the people here became her family. She had too much holding her here and that thought scared her.

She_ had_ to cut the cord.

She couldn't keep depending on these people.

During the mornings he dragged himself into work and forced his mind anywhere but the desk just beyond the glass walls that held the wrong blonde woman. He didn't bother talking to his new EA other than to set up meetings or fetch him coffee.

Hooding up didn't thrill him anymore, so he stopped going out altogether.

Everything had lost its flavor anyways.

Even the alcohol had lost its burn.

The only thing keeping him together was his nightly visits to her house. Which, now that he thought about it, was _really_ creepy and stalkerish. He'd sit outside her window and watch her sleep or watch her read, _anything_.

He just needed to make sure she was still there, still alive.

He sighed as he watched her from outside the window. His worry was deepening. She was beginning to look sick. Her eyes were always heavy, her lips and skin were almost transparent, the way she walked, how slowly and un purposeful her steps had become in the past week scared him.

How for the past six nights he hasn't seen her eat a thing. Part of him hoped she would have downed a few cartons of mint chip. But she hadn't.

_I broke her_. He thought. She was the one thing he kept tucked away from himself so his destructive behaver couldn't tarnish her pure nature.

Still, he managed to ruin the only good thing in his life.

In that moment he thought of the day he met her. How if he could, he would go back he wouldn't have gone to her. He would have left her alone, let her live a happy life, not one consumed with complications and lies. She deserved that.

He watched her get up and head to the kitchen and he felt so relieved that she would finally eat something.

"No Felicity don't" He whispered to himself sadly when she got out a wine glass instead of food. She was doing exactly what he was doing. Drowning the pain.

He looked at down at his phone, it was almost eight thirty pizza places still delivered. He called quickly and ordered her favorite and hoped the greasy food would be appeling enough to her that she'd finally eat.

When the delivery boy came Oliver was waiting on the porch with the money in one hand and a pen and a daisy in the other. Yes, he stole the flower from her neighbor's garden, but when he saw it and remembered it was her favorite flower he _had_ to get it.

She had ignored the pain in her stomach all day because the pain in her heart was far worse. Far more demanding.

She thought she was safe by watching _The Lion King_ and managed to stay strong up till the point when Mufasa died, then she let the cascade of tears fall again.

"_Damn you Walt Disney"_ she mumbled wiping under her eyes.

When the knocking on her door sounded she swore her mind was playing tricks on her.

She sat up and paused the movie and looked towards the door. When she heard the knock again she sprang up and ran to it. The hopeless romantic side of herself hoped it was Oliver, even the realistic part of her hoped it would be Oliver at her door with an apology.

She opened the door without looking through the peephole first.

She didn't hide her disappointment when she saw the scrawny teenage boy in the pizza uniform. "I didn't order a pizza." She said flatly.

"I know, your friend ordered and paid for it." The boy said looking her over, curiosity playing his features as he saw the stitched wound on her collar bone.

Her friend? She didn't exactly have friends at this current moment. "Friend?"

"He also wanted me to give you this." He handing her the pizza box with the daisy and bread sticks on top. "Have a nice night, ma'am."

She stared at the boy's back as he walked down the steps.

When she shut the door she placed the pizza down on her counter and picked up the perfect delicate white daisy. She admired the little flower as she filled up a cup with water and placed it on her counter.

"Weird." She said aloud looking from the flower to the food a few times. Suddenly her stomach became more demanding than her heart as she smelled the greasy food.

The flower was all but forgotten as she pulled out a greasy bread stick. She savored each bite she took, finally aware of how hungry she had become over the course of the day.

She lifted the lid of the cardboard box and eagerly grabbed a slice and bit into it. She actually moaned at the taste and closed her eyes. Chicken bacon ranch pizza was her favorite pizza. She appreciated the pizza and all its greasy goodness, it took her mind off Oliver and her newly acquired scars.

But when she opened her still puffy eyes her gaze caught on an all too familiar scribble of a handwriting on the underside of the lid. His handwriting.

For a moment all she could do was stare at the scribbles. She couldn't process the words.

'_I know I did this to you, but you're starting to scare me. You need to eat, you haven't eaten dinner for the past few nights and that's not healthy, Felicity. I know I can't have you, but that's okay, just as long as I don't lose you.'_

_-Oliver_

Her swollen eyes pricked with tears as she reread what he wrote. Several non-coherent thoughts occupied her head at once.

She ignored the fact that he knew she wasn't eating. She ignored the fact that he blamed himself. She ignored the fact that he said he _can't have her. _

What she didn't ignore was that _he didn't want to lose her._

Her gaze drifted toward from the words to the flower that sat in the water.

Her body seemed too heavy, too slow as she plucked it out of the water.

She stared at it as if committing it to memory. She let a finger lightly trace the soft long white petals in awe.

For a long while she debated doing that silly game where you pull off the petals one by one to determine if he loves you. She remembered playing that game a lot when she was little but she soon discovered the pattern; as long as she found a flower with an odd amount of petals 'he'd love her'

She wasn't naïve then and she wouldn't be now.

She smiled to herself.

She smiled because she finally knew how Oliver Queen felt about her.

Diggle was right. _Oliver loved her._ Maybe not in the way she loved him but he loved her nonetheless.

She made up her mind that night that she wouldn't run. This was her home and she finally had people who loved her, and she loved them.

She finished _The Lion King_ with a small smile on her face instead of tears.

Three days had passed since the night he had bought her dinner. He had stayed longer than he normally did that night and just watched her.

He watched her eat. Watched her read the note. Watched her observe the flower. Watched her smile. Watched that smile on her face as she finished that movie. Watched the color return to her beautiful face. He just watched _her._

When he finally laid down for the night he didn't have to drink to numb the pain. It was still there, yes, but it became manageable.

He walked into work talking with Diggle, who seemed to have that grin plastered on his face since they got there.

"When the baby due again?" Oliver asked as he watched Diggle's smile grow bigger.

"Two months exactly"

"I'm happy for you two" and he was, he really was.

The elevator dinged and they stepped out. Digg's smile widened even more.

"She wants it to be a surprise so we haven't found out if we're going to have a boy or a girl."

Oliver felt a tug of disappointment when he passed by Felicity's desk that was occupied by another woman, but kept his eyes on Diggle.

"Ms. Young, could you bring Mr. Diggle and I a cup of coffee." It wasn't a question so much as a request and he didn't try to hide his bitterness around the woman, well around anyone really, except Digg.

Oliver and Diggle continued their conversation as they stepped in his office.

"_You know I would Mr. Queen, but it seems as though someone's broken our coffee maker."_ Her voice was as smooth and teasing as it had been the first time she said it.

Oliver stopped abruptly and turned his head slightly, he swore his mind was playing a cruel trick on him but Diggle's giant smirk told him otherwise.

He turned around completely and looked at her.

He couldn't fathom her appearance here. He couldn't tell if this was all some sick joke.

"She's really here, Oliver." Diggle said softly after a moment.

It wouldn't sink in. _She was here_? He stood frozen while his eyes blinked rapidly at her.

"Feli-" His mouth opened mid word as if it had suddenly struck him that she was here.

And then he was striding towards her. _Seven slow strides_ and then his coarse hands grabbed her soft face and pulled her body flush with his own. His thumbs were at her pulse points while his fingers burrowed in her hair at her neck.

The kiss was so forceful and rough he worried for a minute he was hurting her delicate body, he was vaguely aware that their noses smacked roughly together, but the groan from the back of her throat further motivated him to keep going.

"… it's me, John. Still here guys."

Oliver couldn't registered Diggle's voice, he thought if he focused on anything other than her and her amazing lips he'd open his eyes and she'd be gone.

And then she was _gone._

His eyes opened, brows furrowed as he looked down at her. She was still a breath away and his hands still supported her face.

He noticed now that the bruise that had lived on her face had finally subsided. He also noticed the darkness in her blue eyes. He noticed her swollen pink lips that were turned up in a small smile.

"_You are not leaving my side ever again_." He growled breathlessly as he wrapped her tiny frame in his arms.

He could feel her heavy breath fan against his chest. "Okay." She murmured.

"You two mush have amazing lungs"

Diggle's teasing voice made him suddenly aware that they were still at Queen Consolidated.

Felicity pulled away first, her cheeks burned a nice pink flush at Diggle's words.

Oliver smiled as they stepped out of the elevator and walked to the front of the building where Digg waited with the car. His fingers wove with hers wordlessly.

His day had consisted of several long dull meetings and optimistic smiles.

"You haven't hooded up since… that night." Felicity said hesitantly as they walked towards the car, she glanced to her right at him as they walked side by side, hand in hand.

"I couldn't go there." He whispered as they neared John.

"Hey, you two behave yourselves tonight." Diggle warned when they got in the car.

"Digg." Felicity and Oliver sighed in tune.

"Tomorrow, after work. Be there." Diggle said smiling as they got out of his car and stood on her sidewalk.

Felicity smiled and nodded. "Goodnight John, and thank you."

Oliver raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Goodnight, Felicity, Oliver." And with that he drove down the dark street.

"And thank you." Felicity said quietly as they walked up her steps.

"For dinner…?" He asked unsure.

She sighed as she unlocked her door and stepped in. "For staying away from me."

"Oh."

"I know it probably wasn't easy-"

"I didn't stay away."

Silence.

"I know." She said smiling sadly. "Why were you watching me?"

"I… I just needed to reassure myself you were still here."

"Why?"

_Because you crazy girl, I'm in love with you!_ "I… It. It was just easier."

She nodded seeing right thru is shit. "Okay but why, why was it easier for you to stay away than to come back?"

He let out a ragged breath. His mouth opened multiple times as he tried to sort his thoughts.

"Don't think about it, don't talk yourself out of whatever it is you _want_ to say, Oliver. Because I deserve the truth."

"Okay." He sighed. "You're right."

"Stop stalling, Oliver."

"_It would be easier_ if _you hated me_, okay. And I knew if I came back you'd forgive me and I don't deserve to be _forgiven._ I deserve to be _hated!_ You should hate me!" He didn't even realize he started crying.

"Oliver…"

"I'm scared to love you, alright? I'm scared I'm going to screw it up like I've screwed up everything else in my life. And I thought if I just left you could finally move on with your life and be _happy._"

"Oliv-"

"_I'm in love with you,_ and I hate being one who keeps hurting you." He said grabbing her shoulders.

Her eyes watered as she looked at him. "I get it. I get that you think we don't get a happy ending. I get that. Because _I've_ thought that. I _still_ think that. Because you're right. The life you lead is only going to end badly. For either you or for someone you love, or both. You and I will _never _get a happy ending because if either of us die, a part of the other is going to die too. But I love you, and part of me has already died when you left."

It was quiet for a moment as they looked at each other absorbing their words.

"I want to try, if you do." Felicity said hesitantly breaking their trance.

He placed a small reassuring kiss on her forehead. "Let's try." He whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

Oliver Queen _did not_ cuddle woman. He just didn't. Unless that woman was Felicity Smoak, apparently? Usually he'd be laying on his stomach or back with the woman trying to 'snuggle' next to him.

Cuddling was really just an uncomfortable sleeping position, the most he could tolerate was spooning.

But he's not all too shocked to find himself practically violating her body with every inch of his own. He hadn't felt this clingy possessive feeling when he had been with Laurel. But back then he hadn't felt the fear of losing a woman.

He felt that fear now on a daily bases with Felicity.

Even in his sleep he was drawn to her, like she was some magnetic force, in a way she was. She drew him to her. She grounded him.

Involuntarily he gripped her back tighter.

_This was new._ He though.

Oliver Queen was the one desperately cuddling now.

Their legs were a tangled mess beneath the sheets. His rough hands were under the back of her shirt and were tightly anchoring her chest to his, while he burrowed his head into her breasts. It seemed like every inch of his body was coving her while all she did was grip his shirt into a fistful at his waist.

Beneath his fingertips he felt the long slice of rugged skin that was slowly healing. He wanted to kiss _that_ scar. He wanted to kiss _all_ her scars.

But that would head him down a scary path. He wanted to take things with her as slow as he possibly could.

_That was new too._ He though again.

He nuzzled his face deeper between her breasts and sighed contently as he lazily traced the long wound on her back.

He noticed he had fallen asleep faster last night. He noticed he hadn't woken in a cold sweat from a nightmare. He noticed he had slept constantly all night for once. Then he noticed the sound of an angry alarm clock.

She moaned loudly at the sound and stirred in his arms.

"Oliverrrrrr" she said sleepily trying to get out of his grasp. "Get upppp"

He lifted his head slowly from her chest and smirked when he saw her questioning face. "You're beautiful." He whispered before kissing her lips lightly and releasing her from his grasp as he sat up and looked down at her shocked face "I've always wanted to tell you that." And he had. But he knew once those feeling, non-platonic feeling, surfaced it would only further complicate things so he kept them hidden.

She flushed. "Wh… What?"

"You, Ms. Smoak are beautiful."

Her cheeks darkened more as she looked at him.

"Now go shower and get ready for work while I cook you breakfast." He said in a firm yet teasing tone.

She opened her mouth to protest.

He gave her a hard glare "You wouldn't want to be late for work, I heard your boss can be quite an _ass_."

"Yeah." She scoffed "He's a real pain in my ass."

The whole time she got ready for work she tried to forget how he called her beautiful, well that and his hard on that had been pressed right up against her inner thigh.

She blushed at the thought alone.

_This was weird._ She though. It seemed like everything had changed. In an uncomfortable way. One moment they're friends and the next…? What _did_ that make them? It seems like they had just flipped a switch on. Like suddenly they went from friends to _lovers?_ Was that what you'd call them?

For some reason it felt… _Forced_.

She frowned. _Isn't this what she wanted?_ Didn't she want Oliver? Yes, of course she wanted him.

But…

She forced the thoughts away so she could get ready.

"Hi."

"Hi…" She smiled sheepishly.

"You okay?" He asks crossing the kitchen to stand next to her.

"I'm fine. Really, I'm fine."

He gave her a skeptical look. "The truth please?"

She sighed. "I don't know how to explain it."

"Try?"

She exhaled.

"Can we just take things slow? This is a really, really big transformation and, and it's really, _really_ weird for me. I mean a few weeks ago everything was so different and, and this is weird. I mean we woke up in the same bed, not that I've never thought about that because holy shit_, look at you_, but not the point. What was I saying?" She pauses for a moment. "Right, we just started whatever this is" She motioned between them quickly and he laughed. "And that's just it. We just started this. And it's really awkward that you called me beautiful because you would never have let me hear those words come from your mouth a few weeks ago and I mean I know I'm pretty but its… weird. Can we just slow down? Because I jus-"

"Felicity_, breathe_." He had this stupid smirk on his face from her ramble that made her feel really,_ really _uncomfortable.

"And quite looking at me like _that._"

"Like _what_?" He asked with that stupid smirk.

"Like _that."_ She said brows furrowing.

His head dropped to the floor briefly. When he looked back up at her his mouth was drawn in a flat emotionless line, eyes looking behind her.

_Good,_ she thought. He looks _normal_ again.

And then his lips started twitching at the corners until a laugh bubbled from his throat.

"_Oliver."_ She groaned.

"I'm sorry. You just… You make me really happy." He whispered the last word and met her eyes.

She couldn't help but smile. _She_ made Oliver Queenhappy. "Oh."

There was a comfortable silence for a moment as they looked over each other's faces. His eyes lingered over her lips and she imagined hers had done the same.

"Do you know what your name means?"

"What?" She asked snapping her eyes to his.

"Your name? Do you know what it means?"

She raised and eye brow and frowned slightly. "No? Am I supposed to?" She asked confused.

He just smiled a small smile and turned back to breakfast. "How do you feel about burnt bacon and toast?"

She watched his back for a moment, clearly she was confused. "Depends, is the toast burn or just the bacon?"

"Both."

She sighed.

"Hey, you can just scrap the ash off the toast with a butter knife."

"Okay but bacon is like_ really_ important to me." She said standing beside him.

"It wouldn't be burnt if you hadn't distracted me with your presents."

She rolled her eyes and looked to the floor. "We really don't have a lot of time, Oliver. As in you need to go home and shower and change. You have a big meeting today."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"Yes." She slapped her forehead. "I mean, again, you're making me so uncomfortable. And now I know how you feel when I make sexual comments. Not that you're making sexual comments to me, but rather just making me feel weirded out. And I mean it's nice that you think I'm pretty, I think that's nice but really weird because it's like I'm Cinderella or something because you're just _way_ out of my league and I really don't have size six feet and I'm not sure I'm ever going to fit that glass slipper-"

And then he not so rudely cut her babble short by grabbing her face and kissing her.

And she thought '_wow I wouldn't mind this way of telling me to shut up'_ and then she though _'wow he has really soft lips._' And then she thought '_wow he needs to brush his teeth.'_ And then she laughed against his lips. His morning breath was really bad and it was mixing with her freshly brushed teeth.

He pulled back and kissed her nose before turning back to the stove as if nothing happened.

"I know why I think this is weird." She stated as she buttered her piece of charcoal he called toast.

"Why?"

"Because it's you. You always seem so… _vacant. _Emotionless. And that's what I've known about you. You weren't open with your feeling, and now it's like you're suffocating me with awkward complements. It's distracting."

He fought every muscle in his face to keep that stupid smile off it.

"And you're smiling like 99.9 percent of the time. Which is nice, _so _nice. It really is, because your smile is like a shiny Pokémon and-"

"What the hell is a _shiny Pokémon?_"

"Nothing." She mentally kicked herself.

"Does Felicity Smoak play _Pokémon?"_ He teased.

She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips.

His smile grew at an exponential pace as her silence answered his own question.

"Fine. Yes. I play Pokémon. Not hard core EV training or anything. But that's honestly one of my only good childhood memories. Me and my friend Ray, well friend is an understatement but wow not the point." She shook her head at the thought that she had almost just mentioned her high school sweet heart. "We would always play together and I dunno, I just kept all my games… And bought new ones. I regret nothing." A blush rose on her cheeks and he wondered briefly who Ray was and what exactly he was to her.

"Yeah well anyways, a shiny Pokémon is just a different colored Pokémon and they're really rare, like 1/8,000 chance you'll see one. Kinda like your smiles."

"Okay." He said nodding.

"Morning, Felicity." John said when he arrived at QC "How was last night?" his voice hinted with amusement as he sat on the corner of her desk

"Don't worry I didn't do anything you wouldn't do." Felicity said smirking as she typed.

"That doesn't reassure me a whole lot."

Felicity' brows raised in surprise and amusement. "Why, what exactly would you do with Oliver that I shouldn't?"

Diggle laughed and looked down. "Oliver is quite a handsome man, Felicity. You'd be surprised."

Her hands clamped over her mouth to stifle her laughter.

"Diggle!" She squeaked.

He only smirked at her in response.

Had he really just said that?

She took a deep breath and looked back up at him. Her laughter was seconds from erupting again as she looked at his grinning face.

Her smile shattered when she heard the elevator ding and saw two of Starlings finest come out of it. Her brows scrunched and she clenched her jaw.

Diggle turned to see what she was looking at.

"Felicity Smoak?" The older officer with brown balding hair asked.

Diggle turned to look at her with wide eyes.

Her mouth went dry and she tried to respond, but failed to get words out. She nodded feebly.

"Is there a problem?" Diggle asked in a threating voice she was pretty sure he shouldn't be using to a few police officers.

"No, no problem. We would just like to have a little chat with Ms. Smoak, down at the station, that's all."

"About?" Diggle stood and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Confidential." The younger cop had short black hair and a tiny smirk. "Ms. Smoak, if you could please come with me."

Diggle whipped his head around and shot her a look that screamed _'don't you fucking move.' _

"And also tell your friend to heel, if you don't mind." The older man added.

She mustered all her courage and stood.

"_Felicity!"_ Diggle said through clenched teeth_. "Sit down!"_

"John." Was all she said but he could hear what her eyes told him. _'Don't draw attention' _

The balding officer motioned for her to come with them and she obeyed, giving one last glace to Digg as the elevator doors closed.

This was an interrogating room, she thought as she picked at her nail polish.

Why an interrogating room?

Why wasn't anyone talking to her yet?

Scare tactic?

Why was she even here?

He foot bounced up and down nervously.

_Relax_. Her mind said.

_Fuck you._ Said her body.

When the door finally opened she couldn't control her breathing, the older cop was replaced by a young cop with dirty blond hair.

"Can I have some water or like _air_?" She was beyond agitated and tense at this situation.

He smirked darkly and she found it hard to breathe at all.

The cop that had black hair came in moments later with a file. "Didn't you hear that woman, get her some water." He barked and then sat in front of her with a small smile.

It was obvious the dark hair man had authority over the blond man.

"Sorry, Banks isn't good on manners."

Ahh, she though. _Good cop bad cop._

"Detective Drew Faris." He said.

"Seem a little young to be a detective." She mumbled looking him over. He was handsome and well-built but he really was young.

"And you seem too pretty to be involved with the Arrow." He said looking her over.

Didn't Lance call off his dogs? Didn't he call of the task force?

She swallowed hard. "Most people would have just taken that as a compliment, and say how hard they worked to get where they are."

He smirked and nodded. "I have worked very hard to get where I am."

Was he _flirting_ with her?

The door opened again and the man came back with a glass of water.

"Here you go princess." He said sarcastically as he placed it in front of her.

She picked it up gingerly and took a sip.

Good cop bad cop she declared.

There was a silence, like _they_ expected _her_ to tell them why she was here.

Faris nodded to himself and pulled a photo out of the folder reluctantly and showed it to her. "Look familiar to you, Ms. Smoak?

Within seconds tears were blurring her vision and her hands shook on the sturdy table, she quickly hid her hands in her lap.

"You see, we found an abundance of your blood at this crime scene." The blond man said with a disgusting smirk. "Why is that?"

Her jaw shook vigorously as she tried to wish the memories away.

"Tell me, how'd you get that scar on your collar bone, Ms. Smoak?" He said mockingly as he pointed to her unhealed scar.

She looked down at her still shaking hands as the tears spilled out.

"Enough Banks." Faris growled.

"She knows who he is-" Banks said as if his partner was stupid.

"No I don't!" She spit out.

"So she speaks."

She pinched her eyes shut tightly.

"Then why would he kill for _you_? Only you." He said leaning on his forearms. "I think Blondie here's fucking the Arrow."

"Stop! I'm not going to relive this again!" She choked out. "Is it not enough to be physically tortured by those men?" She didn't want to cry in front of either of these men but all she could think about was how the other men had had left marks all over her with their lips. How they sliced her skin open. How they molested her. How she thought she was going to die on that mattress.

'_You're going to bleed out and die while I fuck you' _She heard it over and over in her mind as she sat in the chair shaking uncontrollably.

"Banks, _get out_." She heard Faris say under his breath. "_Now!"_

Faris sat with her in silence until she calmed down.

"I'm sorry." He said to her surprise. She didn't look at him though. "I know that this was a… traumatic experience for you to go through, but I need you to answer some questions. Can I ask you some questions?"

She nodded.

He hesitated for a second. "Why did Seth Morris and Nick Morris kidnap you?"

Her tears filled her eyes again. _Seth and Nick_. She wanted to vomit. They had names now and that thought sickened her. These two men still held her captive and they were six feet in the ground.

"They thought I knew him." She said with such thick emotion she wondered if he understood her at all.

"Why?"

"Because he killed for me." She whispered.

He waited to ask his next question. "Did they torture you?"

She merely nodded as her throat tightened and hot tears ran down her face.

"Can I see what they did?" He said quietly.

She shook her head no.

"Did either of the Morris brothers… did either of them molest you?"

She choked on her sob that bubbled to her throat and nodded. Why was he asking her these questions?

He sucked in a breath and continued "Did either of them rape you?"

'_You're going to bleed out and die while I fuck you' _

She felt the weight of those words smash into her like a train. She felt numb everywhere as flashes of that night flooded her memory with full force.

"Ms. Smoak, I know this is hard but please stay with me."

She shook her head no.

"The Morris brothers had been responsible for many kidnappings, rapes, attempted rapes, sex trafficking, attempted murder and murder." He was quiet for a long period of time as he watched her shake in the chair. "Did either attempt to rape you, Ms. Smoak?" he asked finally.

She tried to swallow the lump clogging her throat. She nodded again.

"Is that when the Arrow showed up?"

She nodded.

"And he killed them before they…"

She nodded weakly.

"Which man attempted to..." He slid the pictures towards her tentatively.

She didn't want to see them, she didn't want the memory of their faces further rooted into her mind, and she didn't want them to become more vivid in her nightmares.

She turned her face away from the pictures and pushed them back to Faris. "The one with two arrows in him" she said hoarsely. She wasn't sure if he heard her completely, she hoped he had so she wouldn't have to rip her throat open with words again.

Her sobs filled the quite room for a long period of time.

"One last question… We have no record of a hospital visit to treat your wounds. Where did you go to get looked at, or did you even get looked at?" _His voice was oddly comforting_, she thought.

"The Arrow." Was all she said but she knew he understood.

"Thank you, again for your cooperation." He said as he stood up slowly.

"Why is it that you are so interested in the Arrow?" She blurt out weakly.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I just now went back and looked at the stories I uploaded and realized that the spacers I put between time jumps didn't show up. I don't know why they didn't, but it irritates me because my story seems really choppy now. Anyways please enjoy and leave reviews.**

"Why is it that you are so interested in the Arrow?" She blurt out weakly.

He stiffened and looked down at the shaking blonde. "I'm not interested in the Arrow…"

"Then why am I _here?_" She cried with a dry throat.

He paused and leaned on the table so his eyes were level with hers. "Because I'm personally interested in why you tie yourself to the Arrow."

_What is that supposed to mean_? She thought.

She wipes under her eyes with the back of her hand and stood up. "And I'm personally interested in why you're still making connections to the Arrow when the Anti-Vigilante task force has been shut down!" She snapped as she walked towards the door.

Shit.

He stood and turned towards her with a rose eye brow in shock. "Huh. Funny how you know that, don't you think?"

_Shit. _

"You see, we only just got that request from Captain Lance. That hasn't yet been made public knowledge, Ms. Smoak."

_Fuck._

A moment of silence and then he continued.

"You're his partner, right? You're the brains and he's the muscle?" He was quiet when he asked, his voice sounded a lot more like a fan boy and a lot less like an interrogator.

_Kinda like Barry_. She thought. She shook her head and walked past him to the door.

"Want to know why _you're_ here, Ms. Smoak?" His soft question made her halt.

"You're here becau-"

The door slammed open just then, he grabbed her lightly and pulled her to him so it wouldn't hit her, her back was pressed to his firm chest while his hands held her tense shoulders.

A fuming Lance stood only a step away from her

"Detective Faris what the _hell _do you think you're doing?" Lance barked, his eyes were hard and accusing. "Get your hands off Ms. Smoak. Now!"

He released his grip on her and took a step back with hands in the air.

"Why _exactly_ are you interrogating Ms. Smoak?"

"Personal case, sir."

Lance nodded angrily. "Yeah? Which 'personal case' involves Ms. Smoak? Please, I'd love to know?"

Felicity looked between both men, she expected the detective to recoil at the venom in Lance's voice but it didn't phase him.

"The Morris brothers, sir." Faris answered quietly.

Felicity flinched. She felt the tears threaten to pour at the sheer mention on their names. _The Morris brothers. Seth and Nick_. She willed them away to no avail.

Lance looked over at her shaking frame and frowned as tears cascaded down her face. "Faris, in my office in ten minutes, do you understand?" He said it in a rough tone that reminded her of Oliver when he hooded up.

"Yes, sir." Was all Faris said.

Once she and Lance walked in his office he started apologizing. "I'm sorry Felicity, Drew Faris is usually in line. He's my best detective but he's just too…" Lance trailed off. He was quieter now and she wondered if it was because she was still sobbing or if it was because he thought he misjudged his star detective. "He's just too invested in that case."

She swallowed back the lump that formed when Faris first showed her the picture of the dark eerie room she had been held in and the bed that had been covered in her blood. It was rooted deeper in her mind. She didn't want to but she knew she'd start pushing away again.

She heard herself say it. But still didn't want to ask, she didn't want an answer but still she asked why Faris was invested in the case.

Lance sighed deeply and looked into her puffy eyes. "A few months ago…" He shook his head and started again. "A few months ago the Morris brothers kidnapped his younger sister…"

She knew where he was going with this but couldn't just assume the worst, she had to know.

"And?" She whispered as more salty tears consumed her eyes.

"And…" he sighed "And they raped her… and then they murdered her." He said it so quietly that she hoped she misheard him.

She wrapped her arms around her midsection and shook heavily. She felt like she was going to throw up but again she asked a question she knew she didn't want answered. "How many?" Her voice wavered as she asked and she felt the bile rise in her throat.

"Felicity…" He said her name quiet and pleading. Begging her not to ask.

"How many Lance?" Her voice rose with anger. "Lance!" She needed to know how many people they hurt. She needed to know.

"I don't know."

"Lance!" Her scream ripped her throat. She stood clenching her arms around her heaving chest.

And then she started pleading. "Lance please. Please. I need to know." Her throat was too tight again and she could only beg him quietly. "Please. Please Lance."

"I don't know. Faris would know."

"Please." Her voice broke the same time her knees gave out. She sank to the floor with her head in her hands and she sobbed quietly. She kept whispering please over and over in that broken tone she hadn't seemed to get rid of since that night.

Lance looked at her trembling body and felt a stab of pain. That could be either of his daughters. "I can get him if you want. He'd know." He said crouching next to her. "Or I could get Oliver and John. They're here too, sweetheart."

"Faris. Please Lance. Please." She wanted Oliver and John but she needed Faris. Needed his answers.

"Okay, okay. I'll get Drew." He whispered as he touched her shoulder.

Her body tensed at the intrusive contact Lance made.

A few moments passed before Lance came back with Faris. Lance asked if she was okay with being alone with him and she said a murmured yes. Lance left and shut the door behind him hesitantly.

Faris walked over to where she was slouched and quivering against the wall. He sat cautiously and made sure to keep distance between her and him.

"Felicity… Is it okay if I call you that?" He whispered.

She lifted her face from her wet hands and nodded.

"Felicity, what do you want to know?" His voice was heavy with emotion and she realized this wasn't only hurting her by having this conversation.

"How many were raped?" She choked out as she met his eyes.

He peeled his eyes away from the blonde's and looked at the floor, an audible sigh left his mouth. "Seventeen."

"Molested?"

That number was exponentially high.

"Including me." She whispered. "How many?"

He cleared his throat to rid his emotions away. "At least thirty."

Her gaze glazed over with disgust and hatred. "The youngest?"

This conversation had already been a stab to the heart but she just twisted the knife. Violently. He inhaled deeply. "Five." He ran his hand over his stubble.

She drew her knees to her chest and wrapped herself up in a protected little bubble. "How many died?"

He winced. "Twenty-one women, seven men."

The silence hung in the air for a long while as she debated her next question she knew would hit home.

"How old was your sister." She whispered as emotion clogged her throat.

"Nineteen." His voice was choked and strained as he answered. "She was twenty in a few days." She watched him wipe under his eye and lean his head against the wall.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

It hung there between them in the quiet office.

He exhaled a controlled breath, she noticed it was the kind of breath you take when you don't want someone to know you've been crying. She tentatively reached out and awkwardly patted his shoulder. His eyes opened and he lifted his head off the wall.

"That's why you're here." He said after a while.

Her brows furrowed in confusion. She was here for _comfort?_ He forced her relive that for his own comfort?

She was about to scream, tell him to fuck off, but then he continued in that thick emotional voice.

"You know him_… I had to make sure you knew him_… You, you… You're the only one who could thank him for bringing my sister's killer to justice…" He paused and exhaled out slowly "For doing what I couldn't." he finished mournfully.

She was quiet for a moment feeling guilty for wanting to punch his pretty, young, Tom Cruise looking face. She nodded then whispered her promise to thank the Arrow.

"I'm sorry about Banks. And making you relive that."

She only nodded.

"And thank you."

"For what?" She asked looking over at his slightly puffy blue eyes.

He looked into her pained eyes for a second and stood. "You're a hero too."

'_You're a hero too' _

She wrapped her arms tighter around her knees and looked up at him, he held the gaze momentarily the walked out of the room.

"I'm not a hero." She said it flatly. She said it like Oliver.

_I'm a coward._

_I'm defenseless. _

_I'm no one._

Her eyes turned hard and glassy as they focused on nothing in particular.

She stood after what felt like hours, on shaking, sore, wobbly legs. She felt like she was weighed down, each step felt heavy.

Oliver and Diggle had been really trying to provide comfort but she wasn't taking any.

_The weak are pitied_. She wasn't going to be weak anymore. Wasn't going to be a coward. Wasn't going to be broken. Wasn't going to be a liability to the team.

She called Roy right after Oliver and John dropped her off at her house.


	7. Chapter 7

_*****Please go back to Chapter Six in case you missed it when I updated my note. Also I hope the dividers for the time gaps showed up this time, if not, once again I'm sorry. Anyways please enjoy and leave reviews they mean so much to me. **_

"Hey, Felicity, what's up?" Roy asks over the phone.

"Hi, where are you?" She asks as she sits on her couch and takes her heels off.

"Central City, still following the lead you gave me on Thea, why?"

Shit. "Um, when are you coming back?"

"Is something wrong? Is Oliver okay? Digg? Shit! Is it Lyla? Is the baby okay?" He asks, the panic evident in his voice.

"No! No. Everyone is fine, Roy." She chuckles a little at his anxiety.

"Good" he sighs. "Then what's wrong. Are _you_ okay?"

"Yeah I, I'm, I'm okay, I guess. Well not okay _okay _because I… I, I was interrogated today" her voice breaks and a hard lump forms in her throat. "And the men who tortured me… Roy they hurt a lot of people. More than just me. And, and I…" she sobbed and lifted her legs from the ground to bring up to her heaving chest.

And just then, Roy, bless his heart, started shushing here and whispering that she was going to be okay threw the phone. "Hey, shh, Felicity shh. It's over, no one's going to hurt you again."

"Anyone can hurt me Roy! I'm a weak, timid coward. You guys can't protect me. I'm a liability and, and… and Roy I need your _help_. Roy please, please I need your help-"

"Yeah, yeah what do you need, anything." He says quiet and firm.

She wipes under her eyes and tries to calm her breathing.

She's quiet except for her slowing sobs. She takes a few minutes to breath properly again and then she continues.

"I need to be trained." Her voice is quiet and wavering. "I need to be able to protect myself."

"What about Oliv-"

"No I can't train with him. Or Diggle." She says sharply.

"Why not, they could teach you more than I could." Roy asks.

"I can't fight with Oliver, Roy. I just, can't."

"Aren't you two… dating now? Shouldn't he teach you?"

"I don't want him to teach me. I need you to teach me. Okay, Roy_, please_?"

He's quiet for a moment. "Sure."

"Thank you." She whispered.

"Yeah. I'm guessing Oliver and Diggle can't know, right?"

She nods and then realizes she's on the phone. "Yeah."

"Okay. Okay, I'll be back in a few days I guess… do you want to start right away?"

"Yes."

He sighs. "Alright. I'm going to go. Have a better night."

He hangs up and she closes her eye shut tightly.

Images of Seth and Nick burn her mind constantly. She needs this. She needs this self-defense lesion.

She snapped her eyes open and got up to take a shower, she would have forgotten Diggle asked for her and Oliver to come over tonight if they hadn't reminded her when they dropped her off, and for that she felt guilty.

"What do we do about her, Digg?" Oliver asks softly. "She's in so much pain right now. I can't stand it."

Diggle watched the blonde open her door and get inside her house. "Just when she was getting back to normal they had to fucking interrogate her." Digg growl in disgust. "That Faris guy should have gotten his face been in."

Oliver frowns more deeply. How could that detective be so relentless? How could he do that to a woman, let alone someone like Felicity? Oliver sighs deeply. Why can't he fix her like she fixed him? Why did he fuck up everything? She's all that's good in his life and he'd be damned if he was going to watch her sink into depression.

It feels like a piece of him dies every time she hurts.

"When she got out of that room _my heart broke,_ Diggle. She looked… Empty. She had this, this cold stony look in her eyes and when I tried to hug her… she just pushed past me. She's broken and I don't know how to fix her. And I _need_ to fix her."

"Oliver… She doesn't feel safe anymore. She feels vulnerable. Like anyone can harm her at any moment. She's _little_, Oliver, she's little and afraid. She's afraid of people who hold power over her."

"I know that. But I don't know how to make her feel safe again." Oliver whispers.

"Oliver, for starters, maybe you stop refusing to train her. I know you don't want to train her because you never want her to be in a position where she has to use it. But it's better to know it than not. She needs to be able to protect herself. We won't always be here to save her, and Starling City is a dangerous place."

It's true that Oliver had refused to train her so many times, he, for one, didn't want her hurt under any circumstances, and secondly he knew if he trained her back then he would make some poor decisions and let his feelings surface. He was only human of course, and when a beautiful, sweating, panting Felicity Smoak is underneath a shirtless sweaty Oliver Queen, things would happen.

But now she knew how he felt.

Now, maybe, just maybe, he could train her.

"I'll see if it's something she'd want to do when we go to your house tonight."

"Good." Is all Digg said, but it was enough.

Oliver called and asked Felicity if she wanted a ride to Digg and Lyla's, she refused, but he insisted. It hadn't really been a request, he was already at her house when he called and asked. Which, again, sounds creepy and stalkerish, but it's not.

He leaned against his car and waited for her to come out.

She was ready in about ten minutes and was locking her door when for some reason it became really hard to breath. Really, really hard to breath. She wasn't wearing anything that he would normally consider being sexy but she _looked_ sexy. He didn't even know sweat pants could arouse him but they did.

His eyes watched her walk down the steps. He took her in fully for a moment and noticed how different she looked.

Her hair was in a cute messy bun, it was always a pony tail or down. _A bun looked good on her_, he thought.

She wore a slightly tight dark grey tank top and black somewhat fitted sweat pants that were rolled up at her waist.

"Wow." He said apparently out loud.

"I know, I look like shit." She said dryly as she walked the remaining few feet.

"No, no, you look…" He smiled stupidly at her. _"Beautiful_" he whispered after a moment with narrow eyes.

For a moment she though he was definitely kidding, but that look in his eyes… it was something serious.

He leaned off his car and open her door which made her blush more than the compliment.

"Thanks." She said awkwardly_. Do people still do that?_ She thought.

He shut her door lightly and ran to his side.

When he buckled he looked over at her. She was looking deeply out her window but turned when she felt his eyes burning into the side of her face.

He had this really stupid adorable smile as he stared at her.

"What?" She whispered.

He looked over all the features on her face. His eyes lingered on her lips a lot longer than he intended to. No bright lipstick this time. No makeup at all. Felicity had freckles. _Who would have guessed?_

"What?" She whispered again as pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

His smile grew.

She looked confused and gorgeous.

He leaned over and with his left hand he grabbed her face and pulled her mouth lightly to his. It lasted only a few seconds but it was enough for him.

Her cheeks burned under his fingertips.

He smiled and looked her over again.

"What?" She asked with a sweetly confused smile.

He sighed lightly, "I just love you."

Her smile grew too. Why exactly had she wanted to pull away and hide from this man, exactly? He's been through a lot. He could help her move past this.

His hand fell from her face and both let out a reluctant sigh from the loss of contact. Or maybe his was from her not saying she loved him too.

He started his car and along with that started the questions.

"Favorite movies?" He asked.

She was slightly taken aback. "What? Oh, uh, I, um. Anything Disney. Which is kinda weird... And '_White Chicks_' because it was terrible, but in a good way. And _'Pitch Perfect'_ and… Sorry babbling. Your favorite movie?"

Oliver laughed and stored the information away deep in his mind so he wouldn't forget. "I don't know. I really haven't seen many movies since… but I liked '_Paul_'. Favorite color?"

She pursed her lips. "Yellow or pink." And dark green. She wanted to add, because it really was becoming her favorite. A really sexy color. "Green, I assume?" She asked smiling lightly at him.

He laughs. "No, actually. Dark blue." A short pause. "Favorite childhood memory?"

She smiled over at him. "I'd have to say… the time when I first ran away. The whole day I hid in the town library reading books. What about you?"

His heart clenched, _she ran away_? More than once? Did her mother just not care about her own daughter's safety?

"Oliver, she didn't care." She sighs. "_Doesn't _care. It's fine." She corrected herself.

How did she always know what he was thinking? And how was that fine?

"Favorite childhood memory, Oliver?" She asked again.

He nodded. "When me and Tommy met." He said as he thought back to that Christmas party so many years ago.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"It's not your fault, it's his fathers."

_But it is my fault._ She wanted to say. _I could have deactivated the second earthquake matching and saved the 503 people that died. _

"Favorite show?" He asked, he glanced at her and noticed the guilt on her face. It's not her fault but she blamed herself. He guessed they had blame in common.

"I have a lot."

"Tell me."

She laughed. "Um, okay. My all-time favorite is _'Lost'_, I can't watch the two hour final and not cry for the whole episode. Annnd, '_Dexter'_ that's a show that's kinda like what we do. And _'Blue Mountain State' _is always funny._"_

"_You_ like '_Blue Mountain State'?"_ He asked completely shocked.

"Yeah?"

"Wow, that, that's surprising."

She rose an eyebrow and laughed. "Okay, why?"

He shook his head. "It's a pretty… dirty show, I just thought you wouldn't like a show like _that_?"

"What? I love it. They're making a movie soon and I swear I need it. Why would they cancel it, it was gold?" He saw his Felicity just then, the one whose eyes lit up when she talked about something she loved. She continued "And what do you mean you didn't think I would like it_. Have you heard me talk?"_

He laughed a laugh that he hadn't heard from himself in a long time. Ah, her innocently adorable sexual comments. "When the movie comes out, you and I are going, and I have _most definitely_ heard you talk." He promised.

She smiled. "Favorite show?"

"It was '_Lost_' but I only watched it before the island, never after. Tommy said that they were all apparently dead?"

"No. No. That's not true. Well kinda because. No. You and I are going to restart '_Lost'_. Tonight."

"How? Do you have the boxed DVD sets?"

She frowned. "Do you not know what Netflix is?"

He shook his head.

"You're going to learn tonight, then."

"Okay. Back to 'project get to know Felicity.' Most embarrassing story."

They continued the questions and answers till they got to Diggle's. She felt like she knew Oliver better now. A lot better. The new him and the old memories.

It was nice to know only his vigilante secret but also his other personal secrets.

When that car stopped and she unbuckled and reached for the handle. He leaned over and stopped her.

"No. no, uh wait. One second. Don't move." He said firmly and got out and ran to her side of the car and opened it with a smile that lit his eyes and a rough hand that met a soft one.

She laughed awkwardly. "People don't still do that, either."

"I want to." He stated simply.

"Oliver, you would never have done that for another girlfriend, so why are you doing it for me, why are you treating me like I'm made of glass or something?" She said slightly offended.

He gave her a confused look and then answered slowly. "Felicity, I'm not treating you like you're breakable. I just… I really don't want to mess this up. Us up. You're not like other woman I've dated. You're special. You're _remarkable._ You're…" _My future, my light, my happiness, my world_. "Felicity... And I want to… to take this slow. I want to know you. _Really_ know you. I mean, I hardly know _you_. I want to know everything about you. I want us to be different. So I want to try, and actually try, not the half-ass attempts I've done in the past. You're worth it, you're really worth it."

She let his powerful, beautiful words seep into her mind. Oliver Queen, never, and she means _never,_ talks like that. Like a _softy._ _Was Oliver Queen, The Arrow, a softy? _She doubted it highly.

Still her eyes slightly filled with tears and she was happy that for once these tears weren't caused by pain, anger, jealousy, or hurt. They were caused by happiness.

She laughed silently to herself and allowed Oliver to lead her into John's house.

Dinner had been going great. They all talked with ease. Lyla was really nice and Felicity was glad John had her in his life. He needed that. Needed her.

Like she needed Oliver, regardless of whether it was in a romantic way or in a friendship way. They needed each other and she knew that but it was hard dealing with everything. From the past and present, she had her own fair share of secrets she buried.

"_I want to try, if you do." Felicity had said to him. _

_With a reassuring kiss on her forehead he had whispered. "Let's try." _

They at least deserved a chance at happiness with each other.

But based on everything that's happened since he came into her office that day, there doesn't seem to be a way for them to end well.

Someone's going to die or something going to go terribly wrong.

The only outcome is going to be pain.

"Felicity?" Oliver said softly as he took her hand that was under the table.

She shook her thoughts from her mind and looked at him.

"Are you okay?" Her eyes met his concerned dark ones.

"Yeah. Fine. Uh, Digg what exactly is the big news you wanted to share?" She said looking across the table to a smiling John and Lyla.

"I wanted the gender of our baby to be a surprise, but Johnny had other ideas." Lyla turned to look at her soon-to-be-husband-once-again and smiled. "We're going to have a boy!" She said with a beautifully stunning smile with tears in her eyes.

"Oh my God! I'm so happy for you both!" Felicity squealed as she grabbed Lyla's hand that lied on the table across from her own and squeezed it happily.

Oliver smiled as he looked at a happy Felicity squeezing an ecstatic Lyla's hand.

"John you're going to be a great father." Oliver said softly.

"The best." Felicity added as she stole a glance at Digg.

Diggle smiled. "Thank you. Both. For everything, and hopefully one more thing… You two are already a part of my family." He looked to Lyla briefly "_Our _family. Oliver you're my brother, and you're my little sister." He said looking at Felicity. "You two are already this little one's aunt and uncle whether you like it or not." He laughed and quickly composed himself. "But if anything should happen to me or Lyla…" He trailed off and looked at Oliver and Felicity's stunned faces. "We need to make sure our baby boy is in good hands. _Your_ good hands." He said observing their shocked expressions.

"John." Felicity whispered. "What are you asking?"

"If you two will be his godparents." Lyla asked squeezing Felicity's hand with one hand and rubbing her belly with the other.

"Yes." Oliver answered almost instantly, which surprised everyone at the table including himself.

"Yes, is this even a question? Yes, of course." Yet her mind doubted it.

There was a quiet happy silence.

Until Felicity shattered it.

_**Please leave your reviews, I love hearing what you think. **_


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN: Yeah, I haven't worked on this story in a long time, guess I'm too caught up in my school work and other story. I know how I want this story to end but I don't know how to get there and that's been the main reason I've taken a step back from this story. Anyways here it is, it's very short yes, but it's here nonetheless. Enjoy and please leave your thoughts.**_

"Yes, is this even a question? Yes, of course." She said although she had obvious doubts she and Oliver should be God parents.

There was a quiet happy silence where Digg and Lyla looked at each other with loving smiles and a shared source of happiness.

Until Felicity shattered it.

She couldn't help it though.

This seemed like a really bad idea, not thoroughly thought about.

"Do you really think that's a good idea though?" She asked quietly looking up to Lyla.

Lyla looked at Felicity as if she were growing another head, "Yes. A hundred percent. There is no one else we'd trust with our child."

"Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" Diggle asked in a defensive yet soft voice.

"It just doesn't seem like either of you thought this through-"

"Johnny and I are in danger every day with what we do. We could die, Felicity. And we want to be able to know our baby would be safe with you two if anything ever happened." Lyla said in a gentle voice.

"Felicity." Oliver said under his breath as he grabbed her hand under the table, trying to quiet her maybe.

"No, Lyla. _That's my point_. Oliver and I really aren't great candidates for this positon. If Diggle dies, and no offense, but Oliver would probably be dead too. And what about me? I…" almost already died. She didn't have to say it aloud because her silence said what she wouldn't.

"The point is, if either of you get hurt, or worse, odds are Oliver and I aren't too far off ourselves." She finishes powerfully, how they could have missed this important factor was beyond her.

Digg and Lyla looked as though Felicity had slapped them across the face.

John blinked for a moment then shook his head. "Oh…" And then he looked at Lyla with a face that Felicity would describe as the hard truth of their situation. And then he sighed, "oh."

"Felicity…" Oliver said quietly rubbing small circles on her knuckles.

She looked to him then back at the two soon-to-be parents and she realized she shot down their happy high.

"Maybe we should go, Oliver."

"Uh-"

"It's late." Lyla said.

"Yeah. Okay." Oliver said at the same time Diggle stood.

The next few minutes passed in an awkward haze as Felicity and Oliver left and said their goodbyes.

They didn't talk the whole ride back to Felicity's. She simply looked into the dark night, Oliver glanced over at her every chance he could, hoping she'd look at him. She didn't. When Oliver parked the car she opened her own door and practically ran to her house. Oliver was close behind when she unlocked the front door. They stepped inside together but she walked to her room. He fallowed, "You don't have to stay." She whispers as she climbs in bed.

He sighed and sat next to her on the bed. "I know this is tough. With everything going on. But, Felicity, let me in. Let me help-"

"Oliver I'm not some teenager lashing out, alright." She said with venom.

"I know. And I know you're scared. I know you think you're defenseless but you're not. I can train you-"

"Of course! Of _course_ Roy told you. I ask for one thing, _one thing,_ and still he tells you. I specifically told him not to and what does he do?" She's trembling now and her voice wavers, "He opens his damn mouth and tells you I called him crying my eyes out asking him to train me." The last words were smeared together as a sob ripped out of her dry throat, a sob that breaks Oliver's heart, a sob he needs to forget, a sob he won't forget.

"Felicity. Hey, shh. Don't cry, please _please_ don't cry." He says pulling her small frame into his lap, his arms wrap around her and she dropped her head on his chest. "You're safe. I won't let anyone ever touch you again." He promised in a whisper, "I would die before I let that happen again." He ran his hands down her back soothingly. "I love you so much. If I would have lost I would have had nothing keeping me hear. I can't lose you." Oliver's words choked out and then she realized she had stopped shaking and he had stared.

"I won't be able to go on without you and that scares me." His voice catches in his throat and then he grips her back tightly against his own and burrowing his face into her neck.

"Why does it scare you?" She says quietly.

He tries to calm his uneven breathing before speaking with a shaking breath in her hair, "Because I never knew home could be a person too."


End file.
